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I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has a love/hate relationship with Mother’s Day.

Of course, I know this randomly chosen day is really just a BS marketing gimmick to sell cards, flowers and cheap perfume. I know it means nothing in the larger scheme of things, but this doesn’t stop me from feeling… just a little let down.

It’s the same feeling I get after Valentine’s Day or an arranged blind date:

Really? This is what you think of me??

Every year, instead of giving me what I actually want (a bottle of gin – the good stuff and a whole day off) I end up getting crappy home-made cards.  I keep them, of course.  I can’t throw out any of the ugly shit my kids make because, gosh darn it, I’m a sentimental fruit.  Here is a sampling of past Mother’s Day cards I’ve gotten over the years.

  I’m pretty sure I’ve heard this joke before


And then there’s the one I got from my husband as a joke/hint

But by far and away, the best Mother’s Day message I’ve gotten this year came in the mail yesterday.

download and print to prank your mom or anyone else who needs a good scare.


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